I Love You. Full Stop.

One of the qualifying phrases tacked on to “I love them” . . .

You know.  The “I love them BUT” qualifications, which aren’t qualifications at all, they’re the bulls-eye in the center of true feelings — but I digress.

One of the qualifying phrases tacked on to “I love them” is “but I can’t accept them/their behavior/their ‘lifestyle’/their ‘choices’ . . . 

It’s one of the endless variations of ‘love the sinner, hate the sin’.

And it’s horrible.

Oh, it sounds innocuous, on the surface — especially when prefaced with the ‘I love them’ — but that’s its power.  It’s subtle.  Insidious.

Full of the most ridiculous, impossible pride.  Because here’s the thing; acceptance is simply an acknowledgement of what is.  It isn’t approval; therefore, the opposite of acceptance isn’t disapproval, or disappointment, or even confusion.  No.

The opposite of acceptance is denial, rejection.  Concepts that are completely incompatible with love.

If you genuinely love someone, you don’t have a choice in accepting them.  That’s not how it works.  People can’t be dissected into parts.  They’re not chicken, cut up and deep fried for you to pick and choose.  

It’s like looking at the sky on a clear day and saying, “It’s beautiful, but I can’t accept that it’s blue.”  Your denial is meaningless in the bright light of the sun.

It’s like standing on the last inch of an iceberg, saying, “I refuse to accept the concept of global warming.” Reject science all you like; I hope you can swim.

We accept fully or we reject completely.  And when an attempt is made to reject a part of a person, it accomplishes two things:

First, it disproves and nullifies your expression of love.  Reframing it as a lack of acceptance doesn’t make rejection any less crushing.

Second, it makes you look rather foolish, because it changes nothing except your relationship with the person you’ve just rejected.  

Oh, and third –  the person you “love” now knows where you stand . . . 

“But that’s not what I meant,” you protest.  Glad to hear it, but it’s definitely what you said with the words ‘I can’t accept’.  Words matter.  Just don’t add any that aren’t necessary.  

“I love you.”  Full stop.

But if you feel you must express more, choose wisely.  Maybe you’re shocked, or dismayed.   Distressed.  Disappointed.  You can be truthful, if you need to be.

“I love you, but I’m so dismayed to discover that you voted for Donald Trump.  I really can’t understand how someone like you, who seems to care so much for people, could support someone so vile.”

(See?  This applies to more than where you thought I was going with this.)

We accept people for who they are — yes, even the parts that confuse or distress us — or we reject them because of who they are.  It’s a choice.

Your choice.